Non-Jews are for practice
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
