its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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