Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
