I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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