so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
