So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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