I think i sorta joined a cult last night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
