..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
