Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
