You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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