my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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