you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
