After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im holly from the hills drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
