Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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