Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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