i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
