Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
