Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
