I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
