Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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