there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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