Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
