I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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