hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my liver is dry heaving
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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