Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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