At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
