OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
