Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
