The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
