I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
