you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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