So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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