just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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