awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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