the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
