now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I faked an abortion last night.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
