Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
