and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
