i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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