And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
