i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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