I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
