he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
