I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
