remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
