I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
