I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's the barista slut.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
