I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
