road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
