Im at strip club and am horny
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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