It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
