I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
