There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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