So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
